why am i still awake?

Seriously, it's 2:30 am and I am wide awake. I am more awake now than I was at say....6pm! Maybe it's the cuban coffee racing through my veins (honestly I think they put speed in that stuff or something). Maybe it's the fact that I didn't get out of bed until about 11am. Maybe it's becuase I am becoming some sort of nocturnal freak who, after a certain amount of time, will have the same sleeping patterns as my chinchilla or the rats who inhabit our roof. Or maybe, just maybe, God wants to keep me up so that I can battle these demons called anxiety.

It's been a month since I last freaked out about grad school apps, so I guess a good freak out session is due about.....let's see.....NOW. It's been a month and I am still no closer to knowing the where or when or how of the next year of my life. Do I fill out these applications with the vague sense that graduate school is the logical succession in a carreer of help services, more specifically social work, or do I wait for more clarity? Is this an issue of trust that God will provide what I need when I need it, or is this a test to see if I will impose my will and desire upon His design for my life? I have no idea. All I know is that whenever I think about these dreaded applications I want to employ everything in my power to avoid it for just a little bit longer. "Maybe the situation will resolve itself," I think. Well, if I don't apply soon the situation will resolve itself clearly in one direction- no opportunity for any graduate assistance...meaning massive debt for a profession that will never lead me to wealth of any sort. So pray for me my blog-reading friends. I need some resolution, and I need it quickly. Lord help me I just don't know what to do.