other people's children

for a while now i have been watching my friends and family as they bring new little wonders into the world one by one. every baby born is always amazing to me and reminds me that we are now officially "grown-ups". (ironically "grown-ups" have converations that revolve around diaper rash and body parts). i love each of these miracles and am happy to be a part of their lives. but i'm not really looking for one of my own any time soon.
although i know that it is the next natural question to ask once someone gets married, i really get aggravated when people ask me- "so when are you and rocky going to have a little one?" atleast i know when it's coming now. the first few times it kind of smacked me upside the face. i just got married, kids are not on my mind...surviving the first year of marriage is on my mind. i feel as if i'm responding to the associated press and critical people want critical answers.
but i have learned to curve my knee jerk reaction of sarcasm (i.e. it's none of your business) and am able to politely answer- "we're not looking to have children in the near future." some folks like to ask why...but most are satisfied with that statement.
let me tell you one reason why i'm willing to wait (other than the fact that i married a musician). right now i am a nanny for a two year old little boy. let me tell you that there is no other form of psychological birth control quite as effective as a stubborn two year old. this little boy is currently going through the difficult combination of no naps, mommy seperation anxiety, and potty training, and i'm sure i would be a little crabby if i were him. the fact that i am NOT mommy does not help the situation. kids seem very far in the future after coming home from toddlerland. i'm not really longing for a two year old of my own for a while. right now i am perfectly satisfied loving other people's children, and that is good enough for me.

a little too much time on my hands

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times... You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

happiness

i am happy. althought this may not come as a life-shattering announcement to most, it is very good news for me. i have struggled with many years now with seasons of depression and disillusionment that often comes with the post-graduation/early twenty-something/cross-country moving/job changing young adult life. but i can can gladly and confidently state that i currently feel the most content and peaceful that i have ever felt in my adult life.
i'm sure that there was a time perhaps in my childhood that i could have said that i was happy because we had chocolate ice cream and i got to play with my friends. even though ice cream and friends still make me happy that is not the happiness of which i speak of today. today i am referring to a deeper and utterly more meaningful happiness that does not melt or move away. of course being a newlywed has something to do with this happiness and my life with my hubby has been bliss-filled. it could have something to do with the fact that i have a job with an organization that i can whole-heartedly support and cares for me on an individual level. my state of happiness could also be a result of the fact that i am putting to good use my bible college education through my church.
but i think that my happiness comes from all of these combined and more. i am happy becuase for once in my life i am not debating if i am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. for the first time in a very long time i feel happily grounded and growing exactly where i have been planted. i pray for this depth of happiness to continue and i thank God for letting me feel it.
i'm going to have some ice cream with friends now.

my freakin cute nephew

that's right folks...my sister had a baby (almost four months ago!) with all the wedding hysteria and the fact that i had neither a home computer or a camera over the summer i had forgotten to post about this little wonder. his name is Caleb and he is beautiful. he is one of the best things that my sister ever could have done and let it be known that i am more than proud of her for bringing this little guy into our lives. and here he is...